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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

But Give Me Only....

In June 2000, I prayed that the following would be found in my life:

"Two things I ask of of you, O Lord;
do not refuse me before I die;
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God." ~Proverbs 30:7-9

Sounds nice and Christian-y, don't you think?
Even a tad holy.

So here it is nine-years down the road and the past twelve months have been a living, breathing, day-by-day, test labratory of what I said I wanted. Of what I prayed to the God of the Universe for, or not so much.

Month after month of no "riches" (i.e. amply replenished checking and savings accounts; 18+ months pre-booked speaking calendar; book contracts; royalty checks flush with sales)....and more than a few periods of, "How are we going to handle these expenses!" systemically threatened & then destroyed any vestige of whacked-out "North American Middle-Class Financially Self-Sufficent Faux-christianity" remaining in my belief system (a system which I'd adhered to far more years than I want to admit), despite that nice, Christiany, humble, and just a tad holy petition in 2000.

There's been no life-altering ah-a insight either. Well, not of the, "I Had a Difficult Four-Months and Then Jesus Fixed Everything and Now I Have a Million in My Bank Account & a Mercedes in My Driveway," sort. Nope. Life is moving forward moment by moment and day by day sounding a bit more and more like this...

"God, I trust you to provide--through honest work, financial wisdom, and supernatural blessing--what I and my family need this day: shelter (i.e. rental home, utilities), food (um, 6'1", 14-year olds consume a lot), and various provisions (gasoline, car repair, college tuition loans.) Thank-you."

Crazy, huh? I know, boy do I know, as I've asked myself a time or two, "Now why did you feel the need to pray those scripture truths? Why didn't you pick something to do with maintaining humility & riches?" Why pray, "not so much," from God? Because time after time, my sense of security and provision either snuggles up close or flies the coop when it come to positive/negative checking account balances, savings records, retirement plans (I'm afraid we've never made it too far with the establishment thereof), book contract advances & royalties, and even the amount of loose change I can or can not find squirreled away in random places. Pathetic, huh?

For today, and I suspect for many more to follow, I will continue to trust Him with today and learn to nestle into the Secure Provider whom all good and perfect things come from.


  1. Saw your twitter about your new house. It comes equipped with a very nice neighbor just three doors down from you. Her name is Christine.

  2. Wow!! Very humbling and real post!! Thank you for sharing.

  3. Gads. Can you say "dropped the blogging plate!"? Thanks so much for your thoughts. And I need to meet this Christine! Tell me more, Beth.