In June 2000, I prayed that the following would be found in my life:
"Two things I ask of of you, O Lord;
do not refuse me before I die;
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God." ~Proverbs 30:7-9
Sounds nice and Christian-y, don't you think?
Even a tad holy.
So here it is nine-years down the road and the past twelve months have been a living, breathing, day-by-day, test labratory of what I said I wanted. Of what I prayed to the God of the Universe for, or not so much.
Month after month of no "riches" (i.e. amply replenished checking and savings accounts; 18+ months pre-booked speaking calendar; book contracts; royalty checks flush with sales)....and more than a few periods of, "How are we going to handle these expenses!" systemically threatened & then destroyed any vestige of whacked-out "North American Middle-Class Financially Self-Sufficent Faux-christianity" remaining in my belief system (a system which I'd adhered to far more years than I want to admit), despite that nice, Christiany, humble, and just a tad holy petition in 2000.
There's been no life-altering ah-a insight either. Well, not of the, "I Had a Difficult Four-Months and Then Jesus Fixed Everything and Now I Have a Million in My Bank Account & a Mercedes in My Driveway," sort. Nope. Life is moving forward moment by moment and day by day sounding a bit more and more like this...
"God, I trust you to provide--through honest work, financial wisdom, and supernatural blessing--what I and my family need this day: shelter (i.e. rental home, utilities), food (um, 6'1", 14-year olds consume a lot), and various provisions (gasoline, car repair, college tuition loans.) Thank-you."
Crazy, huh? I know, boy do I know, as I've asked myself a time or two, "Now why did you feel the need to pray those scripture truths? Why didn't you pick something to do with maintaining humility & riches?" Why pray, "not so much," from God? Because time after time, my sense of security and provision either snuggles up close or flies the coop when it come to positive/negative checking account balances, savings records, retirement plans (I'm afraid we've never made it too far with the establishment thereof), book contract advances & royalties, and even the amount of loose change I can or can not find squirreled away in random places. Pathetic, huh?
For today, and I suspect for many more to follow, I will continue to trust Him with today and learn to nestle into the Secure Provider whom all good and perfect things come from.